“Within you at this moment is the power to do things you never dreamed possible. You know what you are today but not what you may be tomorrow. Always look at things as they can be. You can do anything you wish to do, have anything you wish to have, be anything you wish to be. When you do all the things you are capable of, you will literally astound yourself.” - Robin Ryan

It's What You See

A few years ago at my grandmother’s funeral I learned a lesson that has changed my life. When my grandmother died she left behind my grandfather, her husband of 65 years. My grandfather was completely lost and devastated.

For the funeral my brother and I had made leaflets about my grandmother’s life. We had included photos of Grandma. On the cover was a picture of her in her 80’s looking much like she looked when she passed away. Inside the front cover was a picture of her at age 20 looking like she did when they married. During the service, as my grandfather fought to keep his composure, he stared at, and lovingly rubbed his hand across, the picture of Grandma at age 20. As the service came to a close my grandfather turned to me, pointed at the picture of Grandma in her 80s, and said, “I don’t even remember that woman.” Then p ointing at the picture of Grandma at age 20 he said “This is the woman I remember.” In that instant something became clear to me.

I suddenly understood how my grandparents had not only stayed married, but intensely in love, for 65 years. My grandparent’s lives and love had faced numerous challenges. My grandmother had developed Parkinson’s in her 40’s and my grandfather had cared for her. In her last few years my grandmother suffered from dementia and no longer even knew who she was. In spite of her confusion she lit up like a Christmas tree every time she looked at Grandpa.

I had always admired their great love for one another. I had wondered how it could stay so strong for so many years. I had marveled at how that love, which had faced many challenges including crippling disease, could survive. In that instant I had my answer. It’s what my grandfather saw when he looked at my grandmother. He didn’t see the wrinkles. He didn’t see the gray hair. He didn’t see the body that shook with Parkinson’s. He saw his bride. He saw the beautiful woman he mar ried and promised to love and cherish through better and worse.

What I learned that day is that it’s what we see in our lives that truly determines how we live our lives. It’s how we choose to see our situations and indeed how we choose to see ourselves that makes the difference in the life we’re living.

Remember the crayons we brought to school when we were little? Some kids had only the tiny box of 8 crayons while other kids had giant boxes of crayons with what seemed like an endless array of choices. It doesn’t seem to me like much has changed as we’ve grown up. All of us are coloring our own lives and yet some of us are still only using those few basic colors while others are using a vast array of colors to paint the lives they dream of living.

Every morning we wake up and the opportunities begin! How will you choose to view this day? What will you focus on? Will it be that darned alarm clock announcing that another rushed, overfilled day has begun where you know you will be rushing around all day and just be glad when the day is over? Or will you choose to see the design on the floor, made by the sun, which is so beautiful you wish it could somehow be captured.

Beauty and love are all around us. I won’t challenge the fact that ugliness and hate also surround us. But it’s up to us to decide where we will dwell in our minds. Our lives will ultimately consist of the things that we spend our precious time thinking about.

In any given situation we choose what we will focus on and what our attitude will be. Viktor Frankl survived a Nazi concentration camp and in his book “Man’s Search For Meaning” he says, “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

It’s been three years since Grandma died. At the time of her death Grandpa wanted to die with her but that wasn’t written into the grand plan of life. Instead, he developed Alzheimer’s and doesn’t even know who he is anymore. But when I show him the picture of Grandma at age 20 he says, “I married that beautiful woman.”

Choose today to focus on the beauty and love that surrounds you. Choose today to color your world with all the colors available to you.

To Your Continued Success,

Janice Madariaga